English THCS Writing

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Kiểm tra giúp mình với:
People living in big cities are facing a number problems in their daily lives.
One of the problems is overpopulated. This is because more and more people tend to go to cities to find job and earn money. The second problem is high cost of living as city inhabitants have to pay higher prices for housing, transport, food, .... The third problem is that living in big cities is stressful because inhabitants have to work very hard, even under pressure. They have got little time to relax. The fourth problem is pollution. For example, exhaust fumes from motor vehicles, make the air polluted. Waste water released to lakes and rivers, make them polluted. Another problem is the shortage of a sense community. In fact, city inhabitants are busy and they have got little time to pay attention to their neighbors

 

[Bella Dodo]

Bạn tham khảo
People living in big cities are facing a number of problems in their daily lives.
One of the problems is overpopulated. (This is because more and more people tend to go to cities to find job and earn money.) Mình thấy rối bạn à vì bạn chưa giải thích được rõ cũng như có quá nhiều ideas không được explain trong cùng một short sentence The second problem is high cost of living as city inhabitants have to pay higher prices for housing, transport, food, .... The third problem is that living in big cities is stressful because inhabitants have to work very hard, even under pressure. They have got little time to relax. The fourth problem is pollution. For example, exhaust fumes from motor vehicles, make the air polluted. Wasting water which then released to lakes and rivers, make them water resources polluted. Another problem is the shortage of a sense community. In fact, city inhabitants are busy and they have got little time to pay attention to their neighbors.
Bella nghĩ bạn nên cho các mem cùng biết đoạn văn này cần bao nhiêu câu, có yêu cầu gì vì nếu đây phải là một essay thì mình nghĩ bài của bạn chưa đạt vì mình thấy trong bài bạn có rất nhiều ideas. Nếu mỗi ideas được expland và có example rõ ràng thì bài bạn sẽ có điểm cao. Nếu đây là một summary thì mình nghĩ đoạn văn này phù hợp hơn ^^
Bella

 

[Phạm Dương]

People living in big cities are facing a number of problems in their daily lives. (đoạn văn thì không được xuống dòng nhé)
One of the problems is overpopulation. This is because more and more people tend to go to cities to find a job and earn money. The second problem is the high cost of living as city inhabitants have to pay higher prices for housing, transport, food, etc. The third problem is that living in big cities is stressful because inhabitants have to work very hard, even under pressure. They have got little time to relax. The fourth problem is pollution. For example, exhaust fumes from motor vehicles, make the air polluted. Wastewater released to lakes and rivers, make them polluted. Another problem is the shortage of a sense of community. In fact, city inhabitants are busy and they have got little time to pay attention to their neighbors.
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Chú các lỗi cơ bản như giới từ hay chính tả.
Em đang để quá nhiều thông tin trong 1 câu văn ngắn, chú ý tách ra lí do, giải thích 1, giải thích 2. Em càng explain rõ ràng thì bài của em càng tốt.
Thay vì sử dụng "one of the problems" "the second problem" em nên sử dụng Firstly, Secondly,.... thì người đọc dễ có thiện cảm hơn.