[TẶNG BẠN] TRỌN BỘ Bí kíp học tốt 08 môn
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We're in the right row!
"I beg your pardon."said the man returning to his seat in the theatre."But did i step on your toes when i left?"
"You certainly did!"answered the annoyed patron
The man turn to his companion,"Honey, come on"he said:"We are in the right row"
At a meeting of shareholders
In a London shipping company there was a meeting of shareholders
-"It is useless to discuss the matter any further:Half the members of the Board of Directors are idiots"
The Chairman " I request you to take back those words"
-All right,then;half the members of the Board are not idiots..."
i will leave that to you
-So my daughter has agreed to become your wife.Have you fixed the date of the wedding?
-i will leave that to my fiancee.
-will you have a church or a private wedding?
-her mother will decide that,Sir
-what have you to live on?
i will leave that entirely to you,Sir
The empty chair of the wife
It’s game 7 of the Stanley Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbour if someone will be sitting there. "No," says the neighbour. "The seat is empty." "This is incredible," said the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Stanley Cup and not use it?" The neighbour says, "Well actually the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Stanley Cup we haven’t been to together since we got married." "Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. That’s terrible….But couldn’t you find someone else, a friend, relative or even a neighbour to take her seat?" The man shakes his head. "No," he says. "They’re all at the funeral.
A COW GRAZING
Artist : "That, sir, is a cow grazing" Visitor : "Where is the grass ?"
Artist : "The cow has eaten it"
Visitor : "But where is the cow ?" Artist : "You don't suppose she'd be fool enough to stay there after she'd eaten all the grass, do you?"
A Policeman And A Reporter
Country Policeman (at the scene of murder) : "You can't come in here"
Reporter : "But I've been sent to do the murder"
Country Policeman : "Well, you're too late; the murder's been done".
Elevator
A village boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, especially two shiny walls that could move apart, and back together again.
The boy asked his father, “ What is this father?”
The father (having never seen an elevator) responded,
“Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don’t know what it is.”
While the boy and his father were watching wide- eyed, an old lady, limping slightly, and with a cane, slowly walks up to the moving walls, and presses a button. The walls opened, and the lady walks between them, into a small room. The walls closed. The boy and his father watched as small circles of lights with numbers above the wall light up. They continued to watch the circles light up, in reverse direction now. The walls opened up again, and walls opened up again, and a beautiful young blonde steeped out…
The father said to his son,
“Go get your mother!!!”
Faithfull
After having died, a couple souls flied to the heaven gate, St.Pierre opened the door and informed that for one time of unfaithfulness to each other in their life they will be prod by a needle.
After being prod 5 times, the wife turned to ST.Poerre and asked:
“Where is my husband?”
“He is lying on the sewing-machine table” St.Pierre replied.
DUMMY HUSBAND
A man asked his wife, "if you could have anything in the world for one day, what would you want?"
"I'd love to be six again," she replied.
On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a local theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear, everything there was! Wow! Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park, her head reeling and her stomach upside down. Off to a McDonald's they went, where her husband ordered her a Big Mac along with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake. Then it was off to a movie: the latestHollywood blockbuster, hot dogs, popcorn, Pepsi Cola and M & M's. What a fabulous adventure!
Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed. He leaned over and lovingly asked, "Well, dear, what was it like being six again?" One eye opened. "You dummy, I meant my dress size."
Father Wants To Go To Bed
Next-door Neighbor's Little Boy : "Father say could you lend him your cassette player for tonight ?"
Heavy - Metal Enthusiast : "Have you a party on ?"
Little Boy : "Oh, no. Father only wants to go to bed ".
My Daughter's Music Lessons
"My daughter's music lessons are a fortune to me ?"
"How is that ?"
"They enabled me to buy the neighbors' houses at half price".
Have a nice day !!!
"I beg your pardon."said the man returning to his seat in the theatre."But did i step on your toes when i left?"
"You certainly did!"answered the annoyed patron
The man turn to his companion,"Honey, come on"he said:"We are in the right row"
At a meeting of shareholders
In a London shipping company there was a meeting of shareholders
-"It is useless to discuss the matter any further:Half the members of the Board of Directors are idiots"
The Chairman " I request you to take back those words"
-All right,then;half the members of the Board are not idiots..."
i will leave that to you
-So my daughter has agreed to become your wife.Have you fixed the date of the wedding?
-i will leave that to my fiancee.
-will you have a church or a private wedding?
-her mother will decide that,Sir
-what have you to live on?
i will leave that entirely to you,Sir
The empty chair of the wife
It’s game 7 of the Stanley Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbour if someone will be sitting there. "No," says the neighbour. "The seat is empty." "This is incredible," said the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Stanley Cup and not use it?" The neighbour says, "Well actually the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Stanley Cup we haven’t been to together since we got married." "Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. That’s terrible….But couldn’t you find someone else, a friend, relative or even a neighbour to take her seat?" The man shakes his head. "No," he says. "They’re all at the funeral.
A COW GRAZING
Artist : "That, sir, is a cow grazing" Visitor : "Where is the grass ?"
Artist : "The cow has eaten it"
Visitor : "But where is the cow ?" Artist : "You don't suppose she'd be fool enough to stay there after she'd eaten all the grass, do you?"
A Policeman And A Reporter
Country Policeman (at the scene of murder) : "You can't come in here"
Reporter : "But I've been sent to do the murder"
Country Policeman : "Well, you're too late; the murder's been done".
Elevator
A village boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, especially two shiny walls that could move apart, and back together again.
The boy asked his father, “ What is this father?”
The father (having never seen an elevator) responded,
“Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don’t know what it is.”
While the boy and his father were watching wide- eyed, an old lady, limping slightly, and with a cane, slowly walks up to the moving walls, and presses a button. The walls opened, and the lady walks between them, into a small room. The walls closed. The boy and his father watched as small circles of lights with numbers above the wall light up. They continued to watch the circles light up, in reverse direction now. The walls opened up again, and walls opened up again, and a beautiful young blonde steeped out…
The father said to his son,
“Go get your mother!!!”
Faithfull
After having died, a couple souls flied to the heaven gate, St.Pierre opened the door and informed that for one time of unfaithfulness to each other in their life they will be prod by a needle.
After being prod 5 times, the wife turned to ST.Poerre and asked:
“Where is my husband?”
“He is lying on the sewing-machine table” St.Pierre replied.
DUMMY HUSBAND
A man asked his wife, "if you could have anything in the world for one day, what would you want?"
"I'd love to be six again," she replied.
On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a local theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear, everything there was! Wow! Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park, her head reeling and her stomach upside down. Off to a McDonald's they went, where her husband ordered her a Big Mac along with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake. Then it was off to a movie: the latestHollywood blockbuster, hot dogs, popcorn, Pepsi Cola and M & M's. What a fabulous adventure!
Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed. He leaned over and lovingly asked, "Well, dear, what was it like being six again?" One eye opened. "You dummy, I meant my dress size."
Father Wants To Go To Bed
Next-door Neighbor's Little Boy : "Father say could you lend him your cassette player for tonight ?"
Heavy - Metal Enthusiast : "Have you a party on ?"
Little Boy : "Oh, no. Father only wants to go to bed ".
My Daughter's Music Lessons
"My daughter's music lessons are a fortune to me ?"
"How is that ?"
"They enabled me to buy the neighbors' houses at half price".
Have a nice day !!!
