Traffic jams in Vietnam

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In Vietnam, traffic problems are very serious. There more than 30 deaths by traffic problems every day. It is as big as deaths of plague. In fact, accident in traffic is a problem we can’t avoid but there are too many deaths in Vietnam so it is very serious and government must solve. So why is it happen? Well, I think there are 2 reasons. First, road in Vietnam is so narrow and bumpy. Moreover, you can see the hole in everywhere. Some bridges are very dangerous and it can collapse. There is warning sign but trucks cross that bridge. So people will in danger. In this reason, we can understand because Vietnam isn’t a rich country so government don’t have enough money to update road. We only have one way, it’s improve road. Second, many young people ride vehicles very dangerous. Why I use word “vehicles”? Cause some young people ride motorbike. It is very dangerous and it is illegal. But it is just minority, but many young people ride bicycle very dangerous is true. They ride bike so fast and they never see traffic lights. They also loading car and make others position. We can teach they about traffic laws and how to avoid traffic jams. I hope you will read this essay and do advice in this essay because it will make our traffic safer. Thank you and good bye!
 

Kagamine Len 12272007

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Trường THPT Quỳnh Lưu 1
In Vietnam, traffic problems are very serious. There more than 30 deaths by traffic problems every day. It is as big as the deaths of the plague. In fact, accident in traffic is a problem we can’t avoid but there are too many deaths in Vietnam so it is very serious and the government must solve. So why is it happen? Well, I think there are 2 reasons. First, the road in Vietnam is so narrow and bumpy. Moreover, you can see the hole in everywhere. Some bridges are very dangerous and it can collapse. There is a warning sign but trucks cross that bridge. So people will in danger. In this reason, we can understand because Vietnam isn’t a rich country so the government don’t have enough money to update road. We only have one way, it improves road. Second, many young people ride vehicles very dangerous. Why I use the word “vehicles”? Cause some young people to ride a motorbike. It is very dangerous and it is illegal. But it is just a minority, but many young people ride a bicycle very dangerous is true. They ride a bike so fast and they never see traffic lights. They also load the car and make others position. We can teach them about traffic laws and how to avoid traffic jams. I hope you will read this essay and do advice in this essay because it will make our traffic safer. Thank you and goodbye!
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Minh Tín

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In Vietnam, traffic problems are very serious. There more than 30 deaths by traffic problems every day. It is as big as deaths of plague. In fact, accident in traffic is a problem we can’t avoid but there are too many deaths in Vietnam so it is very serious and government must solve. So why is it happen? Well, I think there are 2 reasons. First, road in Vietnam is so narrow and bumpy. Moreover, you can see the hole in everywhere. Some bridges are very dangerous and it can collapse. There is warning sign but trucks cross that bridge. So people will in danger. In this reason, we can understand because Vietnam isn’t a rich country so government don’t have enough money to update road. We only have one way, it’s improve road. Second, many young people ride vehicles very dangerous. Why I use word “vehicles”? Cause some young people ride motorbike. It is very dangerous and it is illegal. But it is just minority, but many young people ride bicycle very dangerous is true. They ride bike so fast and they never see traffic lights. They also loading car and make others position. We can teach they about traffic laws and how to avoid traffic jams. I hope you will read this essay and do advice in this essay because it will make our traffic safer. Thank you and good bye!
Tớ xin chỉnh lại theo phong cách formal paragraph:

In Vietnam, traffic problems are very serious. There are more than 30 deaths of traffic accidents every day. They're as many as the number of deaths of plague (OR: Traffic accidents are as serious as a plague). In fact, accidentS in traffic ARE a problem we can’t avoid but there are too so many deaths in Vietnam that it is very serious and the government must solve. So why do traffic accidents happen? Well, I think there are 2 reasons. First, the roads in Vietnam are so narrow and bumpy. Moreover, you can see holes in everywhere. Some bridges are very dangerous and because it may collapse. There are warning signs but trucks vehicles still cross that bridge, so people will be in danger. Because of this reason, we can understand that Vietnam isn’t a rich country so the government doesn’t have enough money to update road improve the quality of roads, but that's the only way. We only have one way, it’s improve road. Second, many young people ride vehicles travel very dangerously. Why I use word “vehicles”? Cause some young people ride motorbike. It is very dangerous and it is illegal (1). It is just the minority, but that many young people (2) ride bicycles carelessly is true. They ride their bikes so fast that they never see traffic lights. They also loading car and make others position(3). Therefore, we should teach them about traffic laws and how to avoid traffic accidents. I hope you will read this essay and do advice in this essay because it will make our traffic safer. Thank you and good bye!(4)
(1): Some of them ride their motorbikes carelessly and may cause accidents. (motorbike không có bị cấm)
(2): Hạn chế lặp từ không quan trọng. Viết lại: that many young adults/ minors/ ...
(3): Mình không hiểu đoạn này :3
(4): Đối với những topic nói về vấn đề chung của xã hội, không nên sử dụng ngôi thứ hai (you) vì nó giống như chỉ nói về người chấm. Nên dùng đại từ rộng hơn (we).
Không chào hỏi hay tạm biệt hay cảm ơn như văn nói trong văn viết. Chỉ cần kết luận lại vấn đề là xong.
Viết lại (gần nghĩa nhất):
I hope everyone will follow traffic laws and travel safely because it'll make everyone's journeys much safer.
Viết lại: (theo tớ)
In conclusion, we should raise public awareness of road safety in order to ensure a safe journey for everyone.
 
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