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[boywwalkman]

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Em việt được đoạn essay này mong anh/chị nào có thời gian sửa lỗi giúp em ạ, em đã sửa lại một số lỗi em tự tìm được rồi ạ. Đề bài: "Nowadays, parents are allowing their children to use tablets and smartphones to enhance learning. Do the advantages of this developments outweigh the disadvantages?"
Bài làm của em:
It is clear that in the recent years, parents are giving their children access to tablets and smartphones so as to enhance learning. Despite the fact that there are several drawbacks of using these devices to learn, I believe that the benefits of this development far outweigh it.
There are numerous reasons why tablets and smartphones are helpful to learning. Firstly, children can install a huge variety of software and tools that provide information on all subjects. These programs can promote a deeper understaning of many subjects. Secondly, children can access the internet and exchange information online via these devices. Forums and websites that provide messaging service are places where students ask questions, seek help or exchange experience. Finally, children can use their tablets or phone to study online courses, read educational documents and watch teaching videos.
On the other hand, devices like tablets and smartphones are not without their drawbacks. They can be incredibly distracting for its user and as a reasult, childrewn using them can waste time not learning anything at all. Another downside of using these devices to learn is that they can change children's atitude toward learning. Because solutions to many questions are online, students can abuse it and not actively try to solve the problems on their own. Not only can tablets and smartphones affect the way its user thinks, it can also disrupt the user's sleep cycle. Researches show that it has a strong link with insomnia.
In conclusion, I believe that the benefits of children using tablets and smartphones to enhance learning outweigh its drawbacks.
Em cảm ơn.

 

[Diệp Hạ Bạch]

Em nhìn thấy một số lỗi nhỏ sau đây ạ, chị tham khảo :
It is clear that in the => bỏ recent years, parents are giving their children access to tablets and smartphones so as to enhance learning. Despite the fact that = Even though hoặc Although sao mình không dùng cho ngắn ạ there are several drawbacks of using these devices to learn, I believe that the benefits of this development far outweigh it.
There are numerous reasons why tablets and smartphones are helpful to learning. Firstly, children can install a huge variety of software and tools that provide information on all subjects. These can promote a deeper understanding of many subjects. Secondly, children who => bỏ can access the internet and exchange information online via these devices. Forums and websites that provide messaging service => services are places where students ask questions, seek help or exchange experience. Finally, children can use their tablets or phone to study online courses, read educational documents and watch teaching videos.
On the other hand, devices like tablets and smartphones are not without their drawbacks. They can be incredibly distracting for its user and as a reasult, childrewn using them can waste time not learning anything at all => on playing and not learning anything . Another downside of using these devices to learn is that they can change children's atitude => attitudes toward learning. Because solutions to many questions are online, students can abuse it => them and not actively try to solve the problems on their own. Not only can tablets and smartphones affect the way its user thinks, it can also disrupt the user's sleep cycle. Researches show that it has a strong link with insomnia.
In conclusion, I believe that the benefits of children using tablets and smartphones to enhance learning outweigh its drawbacks.
Có sai sót mong giúp đỡ và bổ sung ạ.Em cảm ơn

 

[boywwalkman]

Em nhìn thấy một số lỗi nhỏ sau đây ạ, chị tham khảo :
It is clear that in the => bỏ recent years, parents are giving their children access to tablets and smartphones so as to enhance learning. Despite the fact that = Even though hoặc Although sao mình không dùng cho ngắn ạ there are several drawbacks of using these devices to learn, I believe that the benefits of this development far outweigh it.
There are numerous reasons why tablets and smartphones are helpful to learning. Firstly, children can install a huge variety of software and tools that provide information on all subjects. These can promote a deeper understanding of many subjects. Secondly, children who => bỏ can access the internet and exchange information online via these devices. Forums and websites that provide messaging service => services are places where students ask questions, seek help or exchange experience. Finally, children can use their tablets or phone to study online courses, read educational documents and watch teaching videos.
On the other hand, devices like tablets and smartphones are not without their drawbacks. They can be incredibly distracting for its user and as a reasult, childrewn using them can waste time not learning anything at all => on playing and not learning anything . Another downside of using these devices to learn is that they can change children's atitude => attitudes toward learning. Because solutions to many questions are online, students can abuse it => them and not actively try to solve the problems on their own. Not only can tablets and smartphones affect the way its user thinks, it can also disrupt the user's sleep cycle. Researches show that it has a strong link with insomnia.
In conclusion, I believe that the benefits of children using tablets and smartphones to enhance learning outweigh its drawbacks.
Có sai sót mong giúp đỡ và bổ sung ạ.Em cảm ơn

Mấy lỗi đánh máy không cần sửa đâu mà ^ ^. Sorry vì đã làm phiền ạ.

 

[boywwalkman]

Em nhìn thấy một số lỗi nhỏ sau đây ạ, chị tham khảo :
It is clear that in the => bỏ recent years, parents are giving their children access to tablets and smartphones so as to enhance learning. Despite the fact that = Even though hoặc Although sao mình không dùng cho ngắn ạ there are several drawbacks of using these devices to learn, I believe that the benefits of this development far outweigh it.
There are numerous reasons why tablets and smartphones are helpful to learning. Firstly, children can install a huge variety of software and tools that provide information on all subjects. These can promote a deeper understanding of many subjects. Secondly, children who => bỏ can access the internet and exchange information online via these devices. Forums and websites that provide messaging service => services are places where students ask questions, seek help or exchange experience. Finally, children can use their tablets or phone to study online courses, read educational documents and watch teaching videos.
On the other hand, devices like tablets and smartphones are not without their drawbacks. They can be incredibly distracting for its user and as a reasult, childrewn using them can waste time not learning anything at all => on playing and not learning anything . Another downside of using these devices to learn is that they can change children's atitude => attitudes toward learning. Because solutions to many questions are online, students can abuse it => them and not actively try to solve the problems on their own. Not only can tablets and smartphones affect the way its user thinks, it can also disrupt the user's sleep cycle. Researches show that it has a strong link with insomnia.
In conclusion, I believe that the benefits of children using tablets and smartphones to enhance learning outweigh its drawbacks.
Có sai sót mong giúp đỡ và bổ sung ạ.Em cảm ơn

Mình có tìm hiểu trước về "in the recent years" trên Stack Exchange thì người ta nói có the hay không đều đúng mà nhỉ? (mặc dù không có the thì tự nhiên hơn).

 

[jehinguyen]

Mình có thêm một số góp ý như thế này:

It is clear that in the recent years, parents are giving their children access to tablets and smartphones so as to enhance learning => nên paraphrase (improve the learning process) . Despite the fact that there are several drawbacks of using these devices to learn, I believe that the benefits of this development far outweigh it => them/ the disadvantageous ones.
There are numerous reasons why tablets and smartphones are helpful to => for learning. Firstly, children can install a huge variety of software and tools that provide information on all subjects. They promote a deeper understaning of many subjects. Secondly, children can access the internet and exchange information online via these devices. Forums and websites that provide messaging service are places where students ask questions, seek help or exchange experience. Finally, children can use their tablets or phone to study online courses, read educational documents and watch teaching videos.
On the other hand, devices like tablets and smartphones are not without their drawbacks. They can be incredibly distracting for its user => their users and as a result, children using them can waste time not learning anything at all. Another downside of using these devices to learn is that they can change children's atitudes toward learning. Because solutions to many questions are online, students can abuse it => them and not actively try to solve the problems on their own. Not only can tablets and smartphones affect the way its user thinks, it => they can also disrupt the user's => users' sleep cycle. Researchers show that it (? nếu thay tablets and smartphones thì là they) has a strong link with insomnia.
In conclusion, I believe that the benefits of children using tablets and smartphones to enhance learning outweigh its drawbacks.

Góp ý chung:

• Nên tận dụng và add linking words ở đầu các câu để bài viết xuôi và liên kết mạch lạc hơn.
• Khi đưa ra quan điểm thì nên đưa quan điểm mình không đồng tình lên trước, ví dụ:
  Body 1: Ý kiến ngược lại: Có nhiều người đồng tình rằng ... do ... (support, nêu dẫn chứng ngắn gọn cho phần này)
  Body 2: Ý kiến của mình: Tuy nhiên, theo tôi có nhiều tác động tích cực hơn tiêu cực do ... (support, nêu dẫn chứng đầy đủ cho phần này)
  Nhưng thường thì người ta khuyến khích 3 body theo công thức Không - Có - Có, trong đó mỗi body support quan điểm của mình sẽ tương ứng với một lí do thôi, và mỗi lí do nên được viết theo trình tự Trình bày - Giải thích - Dẫn chứng.
• Nên araphrase mở và kết bài.