sửa giúp e essay ( funny + horror story)

K

kuckutkute

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Do you believe in ghost? I do.20 year ago, I went through difficulties and hardnesses, I’ll tell you
On Sunday , I had went to bed late, so, on the very next day, I was late for school. My teacher punished me and I was made to stay in an emptied room myself. The classroom was really dark. I hate the darkness so much. I heard strange noises. I tried to find where the noises were but, when I was finding, the television turned on suddenly although noone controled it. In spite of my scareness, I still watched the television. It showed a horror film called “mystery room” . According to the film, this room is an old room in a large school, no student was allowed to go there there was a devil in the room who always find the poor people to drink their blood…But, the devil couldn’t go out because the door was unlocked.Someone can find the key in the “chamber of secrect”. I realized that the chamber was our principle’s room and the mystery room is a strange room in my school garden which room is prevented from students.If you killed the devil , you d be the richest person in the world And u know that I am adventurous , brave and greedy sometimes. I went to the principle ‘s room . Our principle went out this morning. No one was in the room. I looked for the golden key but I didn’t get it. But I saw that there had been an old window behind the book self. Isaid : “ahfjahuhytutualu”(this abracadabra is what I read in a fairy tale :))). The door opened slowly . I got onto. It was the tunnel. The tunnel had been dark but It is made to be bright immediately because the torches on the wall were magically burnt. I saw a lot of strange symbols in the wall , I thought they were ((???) I also smelt the awfulness of the decomposed corpse. I was scared and I wanted to get out of the tunnel immediately. As my heart my head disageed, Head said “No!” , heart said “yes!” I thoght about how much money I’d have if I could kill the devil! I go on to explore. In a diamon plate, the golden key was being protected by two ghosts. They were urge . And… They were so innocent that I think they havent got wisdom: I threw a stone, they go far away from the key to look for the stone. I easily stole the key . Then I ran out of the tunned quickly.
I ran ti the mystery home. Luckily, noone saw me because they were in class. I unlocked the door. The rroom was filled with spider webs. All of the spiders were as bog as dog >”<
“ You have to answer my question. If you don’t you can get out of the room safely or You’ll die if you send us wrong anwer.”
I decided to answer ,The question is( Nghi~ giup’ e ca^ hoi? Nao` hay hay ngo ngo 1 ckut’ ^^)
“I’m still surprised because of your intelligence (?!) . You can continue your journey, but be careful, some dangerous things are waiting for you. We will have you…The web disappear quickly. And I walk through the chamber. There were many I hadn’t to touch it. According to the spides, if touching, I ‘ll be died because of my greed, and I cant have more gold =.=. At the end of the tunnel. I saw a golden gate but I didn’t know how to open it. The spider advised me to open it with my blood. I was really hurt but no problems – I can do wvery thing to “earn” money. I bled myself badly. When my blood dropped, the gate slowly opened.I ran as fast as I fly but I had to stopped suddenly: In front of me there were a gibf( cái v[FONT=&quot]ực[/FONT][FONT=&quot] sâu[/FONT][FONT=&quot] y’[/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot]ạ =.=) How deep was it? About 123m if I had fallen down, I wouldn’t be hre to tell you my story..I climbed down the ladder. Sometimes I nearly felt =))Then I walked slowly because of the dangers. There is ariver. But I couldn’t swim because of the hot lava. I had to jump on the blocks. But I didn’t stop on the block so long If I did. I’d lose my life. I magically had a siliver sword. I had seen a white door I quickly go through in to the room which called “hell”I steped quickly but unfortunately the trolls and guard saw me. They caught me and I used my sword to protect my self Although I killed all of them but I was injured. The wound was bleeding badly. I tore my skirt to cover the wound.A beautiful girl appeared. I asked her:[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]“why are you be here? Was you caught by the cruel devil?[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]She cried heavily “yeh young guyrl[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]She moved near me but I suddenly heard someone said:[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]“Stop don’t touch her!”[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]One boy magically flew in and stood in front of me, Oh I realized that he was the hottest boy in my school. He saw the girl liked he felt indignant at her. I told him slow ly that this girl was poor and she needed our helps[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]But he still pointed the golden sword at her [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]“little girl, listen to me of u’ll be died- said he to me[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]I”I’m not a little girl,- I said loudly and moved in front of the girl. The girl immediately held m neck tight. I couldn’t breathe. I realized that she was the devil[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Hoang Quan ( his name :-“>) screamed at the devil “[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]-[FONT=&quot] [/FONT][/FONT][FONT=&quot]If you hurt her. I’ll kill ya”[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]-[FONT=&quot] [/FONT][/FONT][FONT=&quot]And he looked at me . Maybe he wanted to tell me how stupid I was.=.=[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]-[FONT=&quot] [/FONT][/FONT][FONT=&quot]The Devil laugh: oh our prince. U don’t have to protect this stupid girl. U ‘re in love with her, aren’t you/???!:”>And she began bitting me, she wanted to hurt both of us[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]-[FONT=&quot] [/FONT][/FONT][FONT=&quot]The prince opps , the bad boy said again: she’ is not silly, she is G- Dragon ‘s daughter(kg phai? Ank G-D trong bigbang da^u nka’)[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]The The devil was surprised: Her bloody tattoo will make me be immortal. Where is her golden tattoo?? She asked and lookin’ for it. I bit her and forced her not to touch me. I have no tattoo in my body=.=[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] Nobody can see that except me, because she my future wife..the tatto is on her.. chest:”P[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] Why did you know – I said angrily[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]He was shy and ashamed in afew minutes. He told the devil to let him show her my tattoo which I’ve never seen.. sudden ly, he draged me from the devil’s arms and he pointed his sword at the devil again. Hw fought the devil but he was lost in a few minutes. Her magic is so strong. She advised me to use my magic but I don’t know how to do. The devil was getting nearedr.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Quan sais: Think about your happiness and love[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]I remmember the time when I lived with my Father – whom is call “ank Long “=)), I think about hoang quan who is strange boy was ready to protect me although I didn’t know what his name is…Marvellously, I felt my magic and I was kiled the devil with one hit. I ran to where Quan was[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]“I know that you are strong- he said[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Why did you protect me?[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Because you’re my everything.Do you that according to the prediction, u’ll be mywife[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]I wouldnt marry you-I laughed even when I wanted to cry-..If you died[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Sr…but there will be a better boy for ya…. He slowly closed his eye…..I really wanna spend my lifetime with you but….He stopped breathing I remmembered a song: love can make magic…[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]I kissed him deeply?! And he woke u: am I in heaven, -he cried- The death can do we apart, even when I had died, I still saw you ==[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]I hug him tight ly: no, we belong together again[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]19 years later[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]After my journey, I earn no money, moreover, I was punised by my teacher. But I have more. I married prince and we lived un happily in the old castle which is the dirtiest castle I ‘ve ever lived. My prince is so lustful, and we argue all day. I’ve learnt a valuable reason: You should belive in a Devil instead of believing in a handsome price (mong các bác sửa giúp e về gram thôi ạ, e sắp phải nộp rồi=.=)Ca’j naz` ga^y cuoi` la` chinh’ , neu ca’c bac’ tha^’y cho^~ nao` kg dk thu*.c te^’ lam’ thi` bo? Qua cho[/FONT]
 
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S

shadkozi

Thứ nhất: bài bạn có bao nhiêu từ vậy @@. Nhìn đã thấy choáng, đừng có viết dài quá. Có nhiều lỗi ngữ pháp như:
Do you believe in ghost? I do.20 years ago, I went through difficulties and hardnesses, I’ll tell you (Ý sau của mở bài chưa thoát ý)
On Sunday , I had went ( bỏ had. Mà kể cả có had thì cũng phải là had gone) to bed late, so, on the very next day, I was late for school. My teacher punished me and I was made to stay in an emptied room myself. The classroom was really dark. I hate the darkness so much. I heard strange noises.( sao lắm câu đơn vậy. nên là the classroom was really dark which annoyed me so much) I tried to find where the noises were but, when I was finding, the television was turned on suddenly although no one was there. In spite of my scareness, I still watched the television. It showed a horror film called “mystery room” . According to the film, this room was an old room in a large school, no students was allowed to go there because there was a devil in the room that always find the poor people to drink their blood…But, the devil couldn’t go out because the door was unlocked.Someone can find the key in the “chamber of secrect”. I realized that the chamber was our principle’s room and the mystery room is a strange room in my school garden which room( bỏ room) is prevented from students.If you killed the devil , you d be the richest person in the world And u know that I am adventurous , brave and greedy sometimes. I went to the principle ‘s room . Our principle went out this morning. No one was in the room. I looked for the golden key but I didn’t get it.( lại dùng toàn câu đơn rồi) But I found out that there was an old window behind the book self. Isaid : “ahfjahuhytutualu”(this abracadabra is what I read in a fairy tale ). The door opened slowly . I got onto. It was the tunnel. The tunnel had been dark but It was made to be bright immediately because the torches on the wall were magically burnt. I saw a lot of strange symbols in the wall , I thought they were ((???) I also smelt the awfulness of the decomposed corpse. I was scared and I wanted to get out of the tunnel immediately. As my heart and my head disageed, Head said “No!” , heart said “yes!” I thoght about how much money I’d have if I could kill the devil! I went on to explore. In a diamon plate, the golden key was being protected by two ghosts. They were urge . And… They were so innocent that I think they havent got wisdom: I threw a stone, they went far away from the key looking for the stone. I easily stole the key . Then I ran out of the tunned quickly.

Tạm thời thế đã ( buồn ngủ quá) . Bạn chú ý một số động từ chưa chia ở thì quá khứ đơn :D
 
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