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[wolf95]

[TẶNG BẠN] TRỌN BỘ Bí kíp học tốt 08 môn
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there are many advantages and disadvantages of zoos of the new kind.
at first, advantages are making animals be free, healthier and happier. In this place, the animals can develop naturally and be protected. After growing up enogh, thay can release to come back the wild life. From there, we can learn about the animals's life and how important we should protect them.
Secondly, Disadvantages are having to spend a lot of money. The animals also can bring some dangerous things to visitors can't visit them freely. Morover,zoo keeper is a dangerous job because the zoo keepers can be injured and killed by the animals's attack while looking after them. Maybe the animals escape , which can threaten people live near this place.
After all, zoos of the new kind really are the second house for the animals to live happily. They also bring human near to the wild animal.



Bài này nói về có lợi và có hại của loại hình sở thú kiểu mới là nới nuôi dương cái loài động vật chứ ko gian cần chúng. Mình mong các bạn sửa thêm giúp mình và đống gốp thêm vài ý nwax cho bài thêm hay ( ngắn quá mà ). Thanks nhiều!@};-@};-@};-@};-

 

[raspberry]

There are many advantages and disadvantages of zoos of the new kind.
=> Simple topic sentence

At first --> Firstly, advantages of zoos of the new kind are making animals be free, healthier and happier. In this place, the animals can develop naturally and be protected. After growing up enough, thEy can be released to come back the wild life. From there, we can learn about the animals's --> animals' life and how important we should protect them.

Secondly, disadvantages are having to spend a lot of money. The animals also can bring some dangerous things to visitors can't visit them freely. Morover --> Moreover, zoo keeper is a dangerous job because the zoo keepers can be injured and killed by the animals's --> animals' attack while looking after them. Maybe the animals' escape , which can threaten people live near this place.

In short/In brief/In conclusion, zoos of the new kind are really the second house for the animals to live happily. They also bring human near to the wild animal.

Comment: You should split the advantages between the disadvantages, don't merge them. In paragraph 1, mention only about the advantages of zoos of the new kind, you should think of more ideas and connect them by using connectors such as: Firstly, Secondly..., Moreover, Furthermore. And in paragraph 2, mention the disadvantages, begin this paragraph by using however, nonetheless, nevertheless to express the contrast.

 

[kuckutkute]

you were right, your paragraph didnt have enough information.You have some grammartical mistake.and I 've have some essay outlines .contact me for moreinformation my mail: blood_thirsty_killer_181( Im online from 8pm every sunday night)