Gíup em sửa lỗi đoạn văn này với ( lần 2 )

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thanhvu94

[TẶNG BẠN] TRỌN BỘ Bí kíp học tốt 08 môn
Chắc suất Đại học top - Giữ chỗ ngay!!

ĐĂNG BÀI NGAY để cùng trao đổi với các thành viên siêu nhiệt tình & dễ thương trên diễn đàn.

Lần trc em có nhờ các anh chị giúp về chủ đề : Game and our thoughts , thì mong các anh chị sửa tận tình cho em đoạn này (băm chém càng nhiều càng tốt ^^ )

When the invention of Internet was made, human being has reached a great achievement that leads to the new era , called IT age. Internet is a “link” that makes everyone worldwide feel nearer together . They can express their own feelings, share their idea , opinion on the blog , chat with their friends , relatives far apart. It’s also a supply of information for studying, both specialist and common knowledge . .You can look for some information without any difficulty than your parents used to do when there wasn’t computer. You’re also tip how to be a grown-up,how to solve some relationship’s problem. Generally , especially for teenagers , Internet is a source of entertainment. You can get access to many website for listening to music , playing game , reading comic books and so on. It’s surely helpful for your mind to get rid of stress after working for hours. Recently, some websites allow us to “go shopping” online, which means you can buy everything without going outside and queue up waiting for paying money. It’s not only time-saving but also money-economizing. You needn’t pay for traveling fee as the goods you order are delivered to your home . As its huge benefits , a number of people using Internet is going up and up. Therefore , business on Internet has become popular around the world . However, if you spend most of your leisure wandering on many website for playing game, Internet will turn to be harmful . You’d better participate in outdoor activities or play sport to make your mid fresh rather than sit in front of the computer screen all the time . It’ll gradually ruin your health and lead to eyesight’s loss . Thus , while enjoying the Internet , be alert !
 
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lquanliem

Recently, some websites allow us to “go shopping” online, which means you can buy everything without going outside and queue up waiting for paying money
Đoạn này theo mình nghĩ là nên dùng present perfect :D

hen the invention of Internet was made, human being has reached a great achievement that leads to the new era
còn câu này mình hem hiểu ( chắc tại chưa học tới ) :D , sao lại là human being has reached, với từ era nữa
 
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trangjae

When the invention of Internet was made, human being has reached a great achievement that leads to the new era , called IT age.
mình nghĩ bạn nên viết như thế này cho gọn: with the invention of internet, human being has reached a great achievement that leads to the new era , called IT age.
some information -----> more information [thik hợp hơn]
many website-------> many websites
oa!!bạn viết hay thiệt đó:)>-
 
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