[Friendship essay] Tìm và sửa lỗi (plz help me)

[duyanh_12345]

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[Friendship] Tìm và sửa lỗi (plz help me)

Life’s so short that we need somebody to share our moment. Somebody like a friend? Right?





No one can deny the importance of friendship . We need friends for many reasons and here I shall present you some such as followings:

First, it's comfortable to have somebody to talk at any time you want.

Second, you can share with your friend lots of good things. Then, you can tell your friend any thing even secrets because you’re sure that person will understand you.

For me, I spend more time with my friend more than I spend with my family , and I surely know my friend will always be there for me whenever I need somebody to help or just to talk.

On the other hand, if I’m unhappy and want somebody to talk it out. I know my friends have the best firm shoulders which I can cry on all the time.

In my opinion, friendship is the most wonderful thing in life and I guess that's a gift from god to all of us.





But, how does friendship arise?

A real friend is a person who can understand your feelings, suppot and agree with your great ideals or tell you the ugly truth, tell you what's wrong, what's right.

We all know to find a real friend is difficult and some don’t have good friends, even friends.

So, what's the reasons for this?

I think there are a lot of reasons, but one of them is because people always look for a perfect person.

Let me explain this, if you have a friend and you love him/her, you will think he/she is your best friend!

But one day if your friend hurts you, even if it’s not his/her mistake or just misunderstanding, you'll think you haven't chosen right friends, not listening your friend’s explanation.

Is this the right way of solving problem?

Always look for the ideal friend, but never ask yourselves if you are ideal one?





By the way, I have a question to ask all people who are reading this, what do you think about real and virtual friends? Which one is better, real or virtual? In your opinion, which of them will last longer than the other and why?

 

[tnm1994]

Life’s so short that we need somebody to share our emotion and feelings. Somebody’s like a friend? Right?





No one can deny that friendship is so important in our life . We need friends for many reasons and here's some of them:

First, it's amazing to have somebody to talk at any time you want.

Second, you can share with your friend lots of good things like secrets. Then, you’re ready to tell your friend about any thing because you’re sure he or she will understand you.

For me, I spend time with my friend more than I spend with my family , and whenever I need somebody to talk about something, my friend will always be here for me to listen and to understand.

For example, I surely know my friend will be next to me and laughing with me although he or she don't understand what I’m laughing at.

On the other hand, if I’m unhappy and want somebody to complain, I know my friend has the best quiet shoulder which I could cry on all the time.

In my opinion, friendship is the most wonderful thing in life and I guess that's a gift from god to all of us because it helps us a lot.





But, how does friendship arise?

If you find a person who can understand your feelings, or suppot and agree with your ideas, you will guess that person as your friend.

We all know to find a real friend is difficult matter.

That's why somebody can’t have good friends, even friends.

What's the main cause for this problem?

We have a lot of cause to speak about, but one of them is people can't find friends for they look for the ideal good friends.

Let me explain, if you have a friend and he or she is almost similar,you will think he/she is your best friend!

One day if your friend hurts you,even if it’s not his/her mistake or just misunderstanding, you'll think you haven't chosen good friend,in spite of to listen your friend’s explanation.

Is this the right way of solving problem?

Always look for the ideal friend, but never ask yourselves if they are ideal ones?





Also, I have a question to all people who are reading this, what do you think about real and virtual friends? Which one of them is better, real or virtual? In your opinion, which of them will last longer than the other and why?

Tìm thấy 2 lỗi ngữ pháp: don't => doesn't (ngôi 3 số ít); could=>can (đang chia ỏ thì hiện tại)
Ý kiến riêng: Các từ "friend" trong các đoạn 3,4,5,... nên thêm "s" vì chỉ bạn bè nói chung chứ ko phải đề cập đến 1 người cụ thể!

 

[your_ever]

in spite of to listen your friend’s explanation.

Chỗ này có vẻ không ổn lắm, 2 giới từ đứng cạnh nhau?

 

[freakie_fuckie]

Re.

Life’s so short that we need somebody to share our emotion and feelings. Somebody’s like a friend? Right?

Our life expectancy is not so long.../
Sharin' yer thought 'n feelings (không dùng emotion 'n feelings vì trong emotion đã bao hàm cả "feelings" r` ;
Btw, Right chỉ dùng trong văn nói thôi Mấy lị dùng "rightta" nghe có vẻ khiếm nhã quá, phải chăng nên dùng question tag thay thế ;, đồng chí nhỉ !

No one can deny that friendship is so important in our life . We need friends for many reasons and here's some of them:

Noone can deny the importance of friendship (nên nhớ dùng câu càng ngắn gọn càng tốt)

Second, you can share with your friend lots of good things like secrets. Then, you’re ready to tell your friend about any thing because you’re sure he or she will understand you.

goods things = secrets 8-X Câu tối nghĩa vại ;-SS
Có thể sửa : It is important to have someone (who) you can confide in.
Confide in = tell sb yo secrets 'cuz you feel that you can trust them

For example, I surely know my friend will be next to me and laughing with me although he or she don't understand what I’m laughing at.

Ý mình nói là " bạn người ta sẽ cùng người ta cười vì không gì cả " ý hả ;

dùng laugh about nothing =.= hoặc burst out laughin (kg chắc cách dùng cái này lắm )

On the other hand, if I’m unhappy and want somebody to complain, I know my friend has the best quiet shoulder which I could cry on all the time.

=.= Tưởng "complain" là chê bai mà =))
An ủi là console nhớ ;
quiet shoulder ? Tìm từ khác thay thế quiet nhé, ngữ cảnh này kg phù hợp đâu 8->

because it helps us a lot.

Bỏ cái này đi ý, nghe quả helps us alot dở hơi kiểu gì ý :-S

If you find a person who can understand your feelings, or suppot and agree with your ideas, you will guess that person as your friend.

We all know to find a real friend is difficult matter.

That's why somebody can’t have good friends, even friends.

What's the main cause for this problem?

We have a lot of cause to speak about, but one of them is people can't find friends for they look for the ideal good friends.

Let me explain, if you have a friend and he or she is almost similar,you will think he/she is your best friend!

One day if your friend hurts you,even if it’s not his/her mistake or just misunderstanding, you'll think you haven't chosen good friend,in spite of to listen your friend’s explanation.

Is this the right way of solving problem?

Always look for the ideal friend, but never ask yourselves if they are ideal ones?

Đoạn này nghe có vẻ kg ổn lắm.

Thay vì dùng arise, đồng chí có thể dùng friendship based on these factors

- Help
-Heartstring
-Sympathy
-Straightforwardness
-Trustworthiness

Sau đó sẽ diễn giải vào từng ý một, tránh đi "beating around the bush"

Một đoạn essay cũng rất cần có luận điểm, luận chứng , luận cứ và lập luận.

Kết bài, truớc khi muốn khai thác sang một vấn đề khác, cần tổng hợp lại vấn đề cũ đã.

By and large/ I think/ I want/ So we/ In conclusion,...

Friendship is the untold source of encouragements for the one who....

 

[duyanh_12345]

Tìm thấy 2 lỗi ngữ pháp: don't => doesn't (ngôi 3 số ít); could=>can (đang chia ỏ thì hiện tại)
Ý kiến riêng: Các từ "friend" trong các đoạn 3,4,5,... nên thêm "s" vì chỉ bạn bè nói chung chứ ko phải đề cập đến 1 người cụ thể!

Ờ há. Quên mất không chia

in spite of to listen your friend’s explanation.
Chỗ này có vẻ không ổn lắm, 2 giới từ đứng cạnh nhau?

Uhm. In spite of listening...

Btw, Right chỉ dùng trong văn nói thôi Mấy lị dùng "rightta" nghe có vẻ khiếm nhã quá, phải chăng nên dùng question tag thay thế , đồng chí nhỉ !

Chính xác thì đây là văn nói. Dàn ý cho bài hùng biện mà?

Tất nhiên là chỉ 1 phần thôi.

Noone can deny the importance of friendship (nên nhớ dùng câu càng ngắn gọn càng tốt)

Uầy. Kết chỗ s]ả lỗi này. Vậy mà không nghĩ ra

Sửa lại cho cậu: Chỉ có no one hoặc none chứ không có noone nha.

Ít nhất là t chưa thấy bao h.

goods things = secrets Câu tối nghĩa vại ;-SS

Type nhầm từ câu dưới lên câu trên. Edit rồi đấy.

=.= Tưởng "complain" là chê bai mà
An ủi là console nhớ
quiet shoulder ? Tìm từ khác thay thế quiet nhé, ngữ cảnh này kg phù hợp đâu 8->

Muốn có ai đó để (cùng) phàn nàn (về 1 vấn đề gì đó) - thấy đúng rồi mà.

Quiet shoulder - 1 bờ vai bình yên (đại loại thế)

Bỏ cái này đi ý, nghe quả helps us alot dở hơi kiểu gì ý

Định del rồi nhưng mà quên.

Ý mình nói là " bạn người ta sẽ cùng người ta cười vì không gì cả " ý hả
dùng laugh about nothing =.= hoặc burst out laughin (kg chắc cách dùng cái này lắm )

Không. Cái này chỉ nói thôi. Không biết nghĩ gì mà cho vào đây

 

[maxqn]

Life’s so short that we need somebody to share our moments. Somebody’s -> somebody like a friend? Right?

No one can deny that friendship is so->very important in our life . We need friends for many reasons and here's some of them:
<Here I shall present you some such as followings:>
First, it's amazing -> necessary/ comfortable to have somebody to talk at any time you want. [<anything else?>]

Second, you can share with your friend lots of good things <what kind of 'good things'?>.Then, you can tell your friend about-> talk it out to friends/ tell your friends... (omit about) any thing even secrets because you’re sure that person will understand you. <understand... kind of bad feeling, huh? So what if he/she comes to talk it to s.o else?>

For me, I spend more time with my friend more->X than I spend->X with my family , and I surely<?> know my friend will always be there for me whenever I need somebody to help or just to talk.

On the other hand, if I’m unhappy and want somebody to complain-> talk it out/ share with s.o , I know my friend<s?> has the best quiet shoulder <shoulders are speechless, so why quiet? --> firm?> which I can cry on all the time.

In my opinion, friendship is the most wonderful thing in life and I guess that's a gift from god to all of us.

But, how does friendship arise?

A real friend is a person who can understand your feelings, support and agree with your great ideals or tell you the ugly truth, tell you what's wrong, what's right.

We all know to find a real friend is difficult matter->x and somebody can’t-> some don't have good friends, even friends.

So, what's the reasons for this problem->x?

I think there are a lot of reasons, but one of them is <that/ because> people always look for a perfect person.

Let me explain <explain what? --> - this.. [to you]/ omit >, if you have a friend and you love him/her, you will think he/she is your best friend!
But one day if your friend hurts you, even if it’s not his/her mistake or just misunderstanding, you'll think you haven't chosen right friends, in spite of listening your friend’s explanation.-> casting away all of your friend's explanations/ not listening to... <there's no reason for such a structure as 'in spite of' to be in such a situation>

Is this the right way of solving problem?

Always look for the ideal friend, but never ask yourselves if you are <already an> ideal one?

Also-> By the way/ Next/..., I <also> have a question to <ask/ for >all people who are reading this, what do you think about real and virtual friends? Which one of them-> omit is better, real or virtual? In your opinion, which of them will last longer than the other and why?

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all people who are reading this

I read all the passage, or an essay as you say, and from the post you just posted I thought you're about to give a presentation, so why should we "reading this"?

I agree a presentation is at your disposal, but may I have some comments?
+ You tried 'word to word translation' in this essay. So it is too risky to speak aloud in front of a class, let alone a conference or a speaking club.
+ Something isn't explained clearly enough such as: If you mentioned the matter of how to choose a right friend, so what's your advice? The point here is to show how, not to tell others to watch into a mirror!!
+ The question at the end seems to be the onset of a new topic or another thing you want to focus on. Why do you just leave it like that and say "Hey, come and answer this question!"?

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4rum k có code strike như bên dethi, cứ omit mệt quá T__T