[Anh 11] Sửa bài writting hộ mình >"<

Q

quynhdihoc

[TẶNG BẠN] TRỌN BỘ Bí kíp học tốt 08 môn
Chắc suất Đại học top - Giữ chỗ ngay!!

ĐĂNG BÀI NGAY để cùng trao đổi với các thành viên siêu nhiệt tình & dễ thương trên diễn đàn.

[Anh 11] Sửa luôn hộ mình

My birthday
My birthday were hold at my house on 9th April 2008. Oh, this day will be the best happy day in this year. I am sure. I invited all members of my class and closefiends other. Of couse, the members of family were very important and......
Everybody went to a party very full. I tried to make warm atmosphere of a family. Birthday is one of impostain day. So I repeared careful for my party. Before birthday party started, I had had to plan . Then I had gone to market to bought something with my mother and had written some letter to invited friends went to a party. Business is too busy a journey to stand still but it is make me happy. Somefriends went my house early to helped me decorated and prepared a feast. At 7:30PM this evening, party started.. The bell rang in turn. My friends moke me unexpected with special compliments and gifts in hand. I feeded very happy. I saied:" well come home". After friends had come, a formal party started. Everybody garther round a birthday cake that my mother was going to make. On the cake was sixteen candles, one for each year. People sang: " Happy birthday" to me:
Happy birthday to you!
Happy birthday to you !
Happy birthday, dear Lan!
Happy birthday to you!
When the song had finished. I blew out the candles. Then applause was resounded. Everybody ate cake, ice cream, and drank some thing such as: cocacola, apple juice, orangers.... While party was happening , a litter friends other was storming . Of couse, party had to had some game with nice prifes for the winners. On game had questioner and answerer . Some humourous friends answered questions only with aim to make laugh. The party seemed to become everful. After everybody had eatten anh drunk to ones fill , I declared my birthday party finish at about 9:30PM.
My fiends went out in turn and didnt forget sending goodnight to me. I sent thanks to them, too.
Thanks you very much.

Mấy bạn chỉ dùm những cấu trúc mình đã sử dụng sai và cách dùng thì nếu chưa đúng nha. Thank mấy bạn. À mà nếu câu nào mà chưa hay các bạn có thể viết lại cho mình được không?
 
Last edited by a moderator:
V

vuonglinhbee

My birthday
My birthday were held at my house on 9th April 2008. Oh, this day will be the best happy day in this year,I am sure. I invited all members of my class and other closefiends. Of couse, all the members of my family were very important......
They all went to the party . I tried to make warm atmosphere of a family. Birthday is one of the most important day, so I had prepeared carefully before the birthday party started. I had gone to market to bought something with my mother and had written some letter to invite friends to the party. The work is too busy to but it makes me happy. Some friends came to my house early to help me decorate and prepare a feast.
At 7:30PM this evening,the party started.. The bell rang in turn. My friends made me surprised with special compliments and gifts in their hands. I felt very happy. I said:" well come to my home". After the fiends had come, a formal party get started. Everybody garthered round with a birthday cake that my mother was going to make. On the cake there was sixteen candles, one for each year. People sang the song " Happy birthday" to me:
Happy birthday to you!
Happy birthday to you !
Happy birthday, dear Lan!
Happy birthday to you!
When the song finished, I blew out all the candles. Then applause was resounded. Everybody ate cakes, ice-cream and drank cocacola, apple and orange juice,...As the party was happening , some friends came . Of couse, my party had some game with nice prizes for the winners. The game had questioner and answerer . Some humourous friends answered questions to tell joke only. The party seemed to be very warm. After everybody had eatten and drunk alot, I declared to finish the birthday party at about 9:30PM.
My fiends came back and didn't forget saying goodnight to me. I thanked them, too
Thank you very much !
 
B

believe_in_rose296

quynhdihoc said:
My birthday
My birthday were hold at my house on 9th April 2008. Oh, this day will be the best happy day in this year. I am sure. I invited all members of my class and closefiends other. Of couse, the members of family were very important and......
Everybody went to a party very full. I tried to make warm atmosphere of a family. Birthday is one of impostain day. So I repeared careful for my party. Before birthday party started, I had had to plan . Then I had gone to market to bought something with my mother and had written some letter to invited friends went to a party. Business is too busy a journey to stand still but it is make me happy. Somefriends went my house early to helped me decorated and prepared a feast. At 7:30PM this evening, party started.. The bell rang in turn. My friends moke me unexpected with special compliments and gifts in hand. I feeded very happy. I saied:" well come home". After friends had come, a formal party started. Everybody garther round a birthday cake that my mother was going to make. On the cake was sixteen candles, one for each year. People sang: " Happy birthday" to me:
Happy birthday to you!
Happy birthday to you !
Happy birthday, dear Lan!
Happy birthday to you!
When the song had finished. I blew out the candles. Then applause was resounded. Everybody ate cake, ice cream, and drank some thing such as: cocacola, apple juice, orangers.... While party was happening , a litter friends other was storming . Of couse, party had to had some game with nice prifes for the winners. On game had questioner and answerer . Some humourous friends answered questions only with aim to make laugh. The party seemed to become everful. After everybody had eatten anh drunk to ones fill , I declared my birthday party finish at about 9:30PM.
My fiends went out in turn and didnt forget sending goodnight to me. I sent thanks to them, too.
Thanks you very much.

Mấy bạn chỉ dùm những cấu trúc mình đã sử dụng sai và cách dùng thì nếu chưa đúng nha. Thank mấy bạn. À mà nếu câu nào mà chưa hay các bạn có thể viết lại cho mình được không?
Bấm để xem đầy đủ nội dung ...

My birthday was hold at my house on 9th April 2008. Oh, this day will be the happiest day in this year, I am sure. I invited all members of my class and other close friends . Of course, the members of family were very important and......
They all went to a party. I tried to make warm atmosphere of a family. Birthday is one of important day. So I prepared carefully for my party. Before my birthday party started, I had gone to market to buy something with my mother and had written some letters to invite friends to a party. Business is too busy but it makes me happy. Some friends went to my house early to help me decorate and prepare a feast. At 7:30PM that evening, party started. The bell rang in turn. My friends made me surprised at special compliments and gifts in hand. I felt very happy. I said:" well come home". After friends had come, a formal party started. Everybody gathered round a birthday cake that my mother had made. On the cake was sixteen candles, one for each year. People sang: " Happy birthday" to me:
Happy birthday to you!
Happy birthday to you !
Happy birthday, dear Lan!
Happy birthday to you!
When the song had finished, I blew out the candles. Then applause was resounded. Everybody ate cake, ice cream, and drank some thing such as: cocacola, apple juice, oranges.... While party was happening , an other friend was storming . Of course, the party had to had some game with nice prizes for the winners. There were questioners and answerers in game. Some humourous friends answered questions only with aim to make laugh. The party seemed to become everful (????). After everybody had eaten and drunk their fill , I declared my birthday party to finish at about 9:30PM.
My friends went out in turn and didn't forget to send goodnight to me. I sent thanks to them, too.
Thanks you very much.
 
1

123konica

My birthday
My birthday party was hold at my house on 9th April 2008. This was one of the happiest days of the year, I am sure. I invited all members of my class and some other close friends. Of course, my family was the vital part of the party.
Every invited guest showed up at the party. I tried to make warm atmosphere of a family. I prepared carefully for the party as birthday is one of the most important days. First was the planning. Then I went to the market to buy something with my mother and wrote some invitations to my friends. The preparation was so busy but it made me happy. Some of my friends came early to help me with the decoration. At 7:30PM, the party started. The bell rang in turn. My friends made me surprised with special compliments and gifts in hand. I said "Well come home", feeling so happy. After friends had come, the party started in warmth and friendliness. Everybody gathered around the birthday cake my mother had made. On the cake were sixteen candles, each stood for one year in my life. People sang "Happy birthday" to me:
Happy birthday to you!
Happy birthday to you !
Happy birthday, dear Lan!
Happy birthday to you!
When the song finished, I blew out the candles. Then applause was resounded. Everybody ate cake, ice cream, and had some drink as: coke, apple juice, oranges.... While the party was happening, some other friends came. Of course,the party had some games with nice gifts for the winners. The game had questioners and answerers . Some humorous friends answered the questions only with aim to make laugh. The party seemed to become everful(??? ko có trong từ điển). After everybody had eaten and drunk to ones fill, I declared my birthday party finish at about 9:30PM.
My fiends went out in turn, didn't forget to say goodnight to me. I sent thanks to them, too.


Bế tắc quá. @-)
  • Ví dụ như cái vụ the party started em nói hơi bị nhiều này.
  • Cái chỗ some friends were storming này, chị ko hiểu ý. (Ko lẽ là đến muộn nên họ giận dữ?)
  • everful, ý em là everlasting à?
  • Mấy chỗ chữ đỏ là mấy cái lưu ý ngữ pháp, còn lại thì mọi người cũng sửa cho rồi đấy. :D
 
K

kimthuyhp

My birthday
My birthday was hold at my house on 9th April 2008. Oh, this day would be the happiest day in this year. I was sure. I invited all members in my class and my close friends. Of couse, the members in family were very important and......
Everybody went to the party in full. I tried to make the atmosphere warm . Birthday was one of the most important days. So I had prepared it carefully for my party. Before the birthday party started, I had had to plan everything . Therefore, I had gone to market to buy something with my mother and had written some letterss to invite my friends went to a party. Business is too a busy journey to stand still but it is makes me happy. Some friends went to my house early to help me decorate my house and prepare a feast. At 7:30PM this evening, the party started.. The bell rang in turn. My friends make me so pleasured with their special compliments and gifts in their hand. I felt very happy. I saied:" welcome to my home". Afterthat, a formal party started. Everybody garthered round the birthday cake that my mother was going to make . On the cake, there were sixteen candles, one for each year. People sang: " Happy birthday" to me:
Happy birthday to you!
Happy birthday to you !
Happy birthday, dear Lan!
Happy birthday to you!
When the song had finished, I blew out the candles. Then the applause was resounded. Everybody ate cake, ice cream, and drank many things such as: cocacola, apple juice, orange juice .... While party was holding , a litter friends the others were storming . Of couse, the party had to have some games with nice prifes for the winners. On the game had to have questioner and answerer . Some humourous friends answered the questions only with aim to make laugh. The party seemed to become very exciting . Afterthat everybody had eatten anh drunk to ones fill , I declared to finish the party at about 9:30PM.
My friends went out in turn and didnt forget to say goodnight to me. And I did the same to them .


Những chỗ mình gạch chân màu đỏ là những chỗ bỏ đi, con` chu~ mau` xanh la` nhung~ cho^~ can` bo? sung.

Bạn cần chú ý :
+ quy tắc hợp thì, nên dùng quá khứ cho những hành động trong bài
+ dung` các từ nối cho câu văn thêm mượt mà thay cho những câu diễn giải dài dòng
+ Phải dùng the hoặc các đại từ sở hữu sau những thứ đã đc xác định chứ ko đc dùng a / an
+ diễn đạt của bạn còn rất lủng củng, có chỗ nói chưa hết ý, có chỗ lại lặp ý và dài dòng ko cần thiết, ý toàn bài chưa đc hay
+ dùng từ ngữ chưa chính xác, vì dụ ng` ta ko dùng full để chỉ sự có mặt đầy đủ, thay vào đó là in full: dầy đủ, trọn vẹn; hay như chỗ:" My friends moke me unexpected with special compliments and gifts in hand. I feeded very happy" => unexpected có nghĩa là thất vọng, dùng ở đây ko hợp với nghĩa của câu ....
+ bạn chia tobe đôi lúc còn sai, 1 số từ như: something, welcome ... phải viết liền lại ( trong writing mây cái nay` rat quan trọng)
+ nhiều chỗ bạn type từ còn sai , cần cẩn thận hơn, trong writng bắt lỗi rất kĩ

Bài viết của ấy còn khá nhiều thiếu sót, chúc ấy viết tốt hơn trong n~ lần sau
Try your best

Còn 1 điều nữa rất quan trọng, đó là bạn ko nên nghĩ Tiéng Việt rồi dịch ra TA đẻ viết :D :D
 
Last edited by a moderator:
V

vuonglinhbee

bài này tớ sửa theo kiểu: vừa sửa vừa hỏi lại chủ nhân xem định diễn đạt ý gì, vừa hóng hớt với em ấy, nên nếu xem bài sửa có thể sẽ thấy nhìu chỗ đi khác xa so với nguyên tác :D
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top Bottom