Ngoại ngữ Writing about myself

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Hello everyone! My name is .............................. Today, I would like to tell you about my hometown.
My hometown is a mountainous province, located in the Northeast of Vietnam, Phu Tho. This place is considered the ancestral land of Vietnam where Hung Kings established the first country in Vietnam history. My hometown is very peaceful with the white storks fly over the spacious paddy fields and beautiful river. Beside, the people here is extremely friendly, gentle and honest.
My hometown is where deeply attached to me 5 first years of life. Five years are not much, but they’re enough to make me miss them earnestly everytime I think about. Those are beautiful days with the village banyan trees, the water well and the communal house... all of them have created the beautiful childhood memories of my own. I remember at that time, everytime when it’s rain, the red soil road became very slippy, like someone spill oil on it. There was only low leafy houses and schools. My childhood friends were very poor so they couldn’t go to school but herded the buffaloes in the field. I remember the days that I and those friends flew the kites, played the blindman’s bluff together. My grandparent and I used to go to the fair very early in the morning, we must take a walk that lasted kilometers. We were very tired, however, for me, every market day was awesome!
Last summer, my parents took me back to my hometown to visit my grandparents and I was surprised. Wow! My dear hometown have changed a lot now. The roads have been paved. Many more modern houses and schools have been built. People here don’t live a hard life like before anymore. However, there are things that haven’t changed is their sentiment for one another, the landscape and the culture. They live together, help one another in case of need. That’s about the people. The landscape is still like the old days. This river, that mountain, those paddy fields are still there. People still make and eat their specialities such as: ear cake, Doan Hung pomelo,... I think someday, when you visit my hometown, you should try one of these. They are very delicious!
I miss my hometown a lot! I hope that I go back there in this summer and watch how have my hometown changed once more. I promise to study harder to become a future owner of the country and build more modern and spacious houses, schools and hospitals for my hometown.
Sửa bài này giúp em với ạ
@khuattuanmeo @Một Nửa Của Sự Thật @Narumi04 @ngchau2001 @Nguyễn Võ Hà Trang ( Fan Noo) @one_day @Haru Bảo Trâm

 

[Kase Nguyễn]

ý e là tìm lỗi trong bài viết rồi sửa lại á hả?
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- but they’re enough to make me miss them earnestly everytime I think about.
Câu này em nên sửa lại là: but they’re enough to make me miss them earnestly when i think about them
- I remember at that time, everytime when it’s rain...
Phần when it’s rain em nên sửa lại là when it was rain vì đây là quá khứ.
- the red soil road became very slippy...
Tính từ slippy em nên sửa lại là limp, có nghĩa là đất bị nhão thì sẽ phù hợp với hoàn cảnh hơn
- My childhood friends were very poor so they couldn’t go to school but herded the buffaloes in the field.
Phần này chị thấy em làm câu khá sơ sài, em nên làm thế này thì nó sẽ liên kết câu hơn: Although friends in my neighborhood are not eligible to go to school but still help parents herding buffalo in the field.
- every market day was awesome!
Chị thấy chủ ngữ không ổn, em thử cái này xem sao: The morning market is great so we can meet new friends, know more about our country's culture.
- ear cake, Doan Hung pomelo...
chị thấy những dẫn chứng về đặc sản quê em chưa rõ về nghĩa lắm, em có thể tìm dẫn chứng khác sẽ giúp người đọc hiểu rõ hơn.
- They are very delicious!
Đồ ăn thì mik không nên dùng là They nha em mà nên dùng là it vì nó không đếm được.
- I hope that I go back there in this summer
Nếu em hi vọng trong tương lai thì nêm dùng will nha em, ví dụ như ...i will go back in this summer.
Đây chỉ là những j chị thấy dc những lỗi sai của em, bài văn của em khá hay nhưng cũng còn một vai câu hơi sơ sài ko liên kết vs nhau lắm=))