viết bài environment

C

chizakura52

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Environment

Environment is the natural around us such as air, trees, animal,..We have lived today because we use the thing what the environment gives us. The environment gives us more and more things are very nice like fresh air, beautiful place, the sea,…But, what is the environment recieved from us? The answer is more and more bad things like garbage, pollution,..They make the environment become worse everyday.
Let’s start from the air. Why? Because we need it for life first. As you know, when the factories work they will waste smoke to the air. Not only the factories but also we make the air become dirty, but we don’t know about this. Everyday we use motorbik or car to go to work. These means waste smoke to the air, too. It pollutes the air.
Next, we will talk about the land. Do you know how the land became pollution? Easily, only somebody use plastic bags, bottles or cans and throw them anywhere, they will cause pollution because they are very hard to dissolve. An other way, we cut down the trees and sell them for money, the soil will be damaged. I think with this work, someday in the future we’ll be seen the green of the trees.
The finall matter is how can we ruduce water pollution while the factories waste toxic into the water and could not make it worse. People living by catch the animals live in water by electronic shock. So terrible! These works destroy the water environment
Do all the works I tell with you, we are killing the environment, we are killing our life.
To protect the environment we should reduce the plastic bags, bottles and cans. Remember save paper, we can save the trees in forest, that mean we can reduce the land pollution. It would be better if you go to work or school by bike or walk, we cdan save energy and keep the air cleaner. Or you can reuse and recycle things, don’t burn trash and we should plan trees. This is the best way to reduce the air pollution. And I think we should not throw trash into the water, don’t catch the animals by electronic shock, the factories should not waste toxic or smoke to the natural. Do these things we will protect the environment, we will protect our life
 
F

freakie_fuckie

Environment is the natural around us such as air, trees, animal,..

natural kg phải là một n thế nên dùng the e chừng kg hợp lý
Có lẽ nên viết là : Environment is the conditions/circumstance that surround organisms.

We have lived today because we use the thing what the environment gives us. T

Câu khá lằng nhằng, nghe qua cũng thấy tối nghĩa, thay vì dùng cái cụm "what the environment gives us" , sao bạn kg dùng thử các từ như have profound effect, have influence on ?

The environment gives us more and more things are very nice like fresh air, beautiful place, the sea,…But, what is the environment recieved from us? The answer is more and more bad things like garbage, pollution,..They make the environment become worse everyday.

Câu the environment nghe cũng không ổn lắm, sai ngữ pháp nữa, dùng nice e cũng kg đúng trong ngữ cảnh này, có lẽ nên viết lại câu này.
Cả đoạn này cách dùng cái đại từ cũng có lắm vấn đề, gặp chủ yếu là lỗi parallel. Vd như, ở câu trên bạn dùng us, ở dưới, bạn lại dùng là "they". garbage , pollution là 2 từ cùng trường nghĩa vậy mà lại cho nó đứng cạnh nhau. :D



Let’s start from the air. Why? Because we need it for life first. As you know, when the factories work they will waste smoke to the air. Not only the factories but also we make the air become dirty, but we don’t know about this. Everyday we use motorbik or car to go to work. These means waste smoke to the air, too. It pollutes the air.
Next, we will talk about the land. Do you know how the land became pollution? Easily, only somebody use plastic bags, bottles or cans and throw them anywhere, they will cause pollution because they are very hard to dissolve. An other way, we cut down the trees and sell them for money, the soil will be damaged. I think with this work, someday in the future we’ll be seen the green of the trees.

Câu đầu mở đoạn nghe hơi ngớ ngẩn ;-SS.
cái "waste smoke to the air" dùng kg đúng, kg dùng waste trong trường hợp này
Hoặc dùng pour *đúng kg nhỉ, quê xừ r` :-SS*, hoặc có thể dùng cụm "deplete" the onzone layer
Thường thì người ta kg nói "dirty air" , thay bằng dirty, bạn nên dùng "contaiminated"
"become pollution " : biến pollution thành adj hoặc verb bare inf nhé
"I think with ...trees" : we wouldnt be able to see the green of the trees


The finall matter is how can we ruduce water pollution while the factories waste toxic into the water and could not make it worse. People living by catch the animals live in water by electronic shock. Câu đầu nhé, vẫn lỗi nói quá rườm rà và lỗi về từ vựng :-SS .
livin...shock : livin chia vợi sai r ;D. by doing sth nhé . works dùng cũng kg đúng lắm.

Còn một đoan nữa nhé
Bạn nên check lại các lỗi về cấu trúc , cũng như các lỗi từ vựng, viết câu đa dạng cấu trúc thì mới ăn điểm đc. Đôi chỗ diễn đạt còn vụng về, viết thử một cái outlines ra trước nhé, rồi làm theo outlines thì mới đủ ý đc :)
Cheers,
 
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