English THCS sửa phần writing

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Phần WRITNG :nowadays ,people in big cities have to deal with many problems .Talk about them
Many people find it difficult and unpleasant to live in the big cities beacusr of these reason -First ,the air in the city is getting more polluted because the traffuc is so heavy ,the city roads are in bads conditions and the popoulation is really big .There are fewer and fewer trees ,lakes and rivers .Second ,the cost of living is much higher than in the rural areas .People have to spend more money on food ,drink ,clothes and other activities like traveling and entertainment ,while the salary hasn't been much improved .Finally ,life in big cities is more dangerous than in the countryside because of night clubs ,discothques ,casinos....Big cities people are easily attracted by social evils such as drinking ,drug-talking or gamblign .....So ,there are more crimes because some people don't want to work but only want money to play .In short ,people in the big cities have to deal with many problems to people have to struggle a lot to survice .
Các anh chị có thể sửa cho em được không ạ ?

 

[Tam1902]

- because not beacusr; reasons; traffic; bad;population; Firstly; Secondly;discotheques; gambling
- "deal with many problems to people have to struggle a lot to survice ", to people--> so people, survice-->survive.

 

[Phạm Dương]

Many people find it difficult and unpleasant to live in big cities because of these reasons (a variety of reasons). First, the air in the city is getting more polluted because the traffic is so dense, the city roads are in bads conditions, and the population is really big => vast (quá nhiều ý không liên quan trọng câu này rồi nè bé). There are fewer and fewer trees, lakes and rivers (thì?). Second, the cost of living is much higher than in rural areas. People have to spend more money on food, drink, clothes and other activities like travelling and entertainment, while the salary hasn't been much improved (nghe câu này không liên quan cho lắm thì phải, đang nói về chi phí cuộc sống thì chị nghĩ nên tập trung hơn về vấn đề cơ sở hạ tầng, dịch vụ hơn là nói về du lịch hay giải trí). Finally, life in big cities is more dangerous than in the countryside because of night clubs, discotheques, casinos, etc. Big cities people => Citizens are easily attracted by social evils such as drinking, drug-taking, or gambling, etc (ý kiến này chị thấy không hợp lí cho lắm, vấn đề này mang tính chất quá xã hội, thực tế thì ở đâu cũng có thôi, dính hay không là do sự nhận thức của mỗi người chứ đâu phải vùng miền đâu nhỉ?). So, there are more crimes because some people don't want to work but only want money to play. In short, people in big cities have to deal with many problems that people have to struggle a lot to survive. (Possibly wordy sentence - Too many non-content words may indicate wordiness. Consider rewriting to avoid some of these words: in, have, to, with, many, that, a)