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[Nani Gomez]

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mọi người xem rồi chỉnh sửa giúp em nha đồng thời chấm điểm luôn nha. THANK YOU cả nhà
The benefits of the Internet
Nowadays, the Internet which is one of the most useful inventions in the world has been spreading all over the world. Therefore, the Internet has become an important part of the life with a lot of different advantages. This is my perspective about the benefits of the Internet which I want to show more clearly. Firstly, the Internet is the source of information. Instead of buying the newspaper every morning to know about the news, now you need only to sit in front of the smart devices and surf the News on the famous websites such as New York Time, CNN or watch News on Youtube. It is easier for you to get more information which you need. Example, if you want to know about famous places or delicious specialities of some areas but there isn’t the chance to visit and try, you can use smart devices to research and choose to have the best information. Secondly, maybe the best choice for self-studying is the Internet because it brings a lot of the different education ways. Now, more and more students have tended to attend online schools and study online lessons although they have several opportunities to study at real schools. It is less difficult for your learning English. For example, you can join the online club to speak English with other people even native speaker. Moreover, you also learn by watching the English videos on Youtube or listening English songs on Spotify. Last but not least, the Internet is one of the best ways to entertain after the tired working hours. Although the smart devices are small things, they bring to you a lot of games, videos, songs to relax. You can choose some films to watch together with family or play games together. If you miss someone, you can use the social networking sites like Facebook, Tweeter, Gmail, etc to have video calls. For these reasons, I’m sure that the roles of the Internet in the life are greatly important. However, you should use the Internet in the correct way to avoid some downsides and affect other work.










mọi người xem rồi chỉnh sửa giúp em nha đồng thời chấm điểm luôn nha. THANK YOU cả nhà

 

[Tên để làm gì]

The benefits of the Internet
Nowadays, the Internet which is one of the most useful inventions in the world has been spreading all over the world. Therefore, the Internet has become an important part of the (chỗ này mình nghĩ nên dùng our) life with a lot of different advantages. This is ( These are) my perspective about the benefits of the Internet which I want to show more clearly ( câu này không cần đâu bạn) . Firstly, the Internet is the source of information. Instead of buying the newspaper every morning to know about the news, now you only need to sit in front of the smart devices and surf the News on the (some) famous websites such as New York Time, CNN or watch News on Youtube. It is easier for you to get more information which you need. Example, if you want to know about famous places or delicious specialities of some areas but there isn’t the chance to visit and try, you can use smart devices to research and choose to have the best information.(đoạn này hơi lạc chủ đề thì phải ) Secondly, maybe the best choice for self-studying is the Internet because it brings a lot of (chỗ này bạn có thể dùng many để tránh lặp lại từ nhiều lần, hoặc hay hơn thì dùng từ varied) the different education ways. Nowadays, more and more students have tended to attend online schools and study online lessons although they have several opportunities to study at real schools. It is less difficult for your learning English ( câu này bạn có thể dùng từ để nối lại với câu trước hoặc câu sau sẽ tốt hơn!) . For example, you can join in the online club to speak English with other people, even native speaker. Moreover, you also can learn by watching the English videos on Youtube or listening English songs on Spotify. Last but not least, the Internet is one of the best ways to entertain after the tired working hours. Although the smart devices are small things, they bring to you a lot of games, videos, songs to relax. You can choose some films to watch together with family or play games together . If you miss someone, you can use the social networking sites like Facebook, Tweeter, Gmail, etc to have video calls. For these reasons, I’m sure that ( i want to emphasize) the roles of the Internet in the (our) life are greatly important. However, you should use the Internet in the correct way to avoid some downsides and affect other work.

Mình chỉ tìm được vài lỗi vậy thôi... Còn một số lỗi ngữ pháp khác thì sợ mình không biết hết được
Nhưng mà bài của bạn khá hay á
Còn dụ chấm điểm thì mình chịu... Mình chưa đủ trình








mọi người xem rồi chỉnh sửa giúp em nha đồng thời chấm điểm luôn nha. THANK YOU cả nhà[/QUOTE]

 

[Chou Chou]

The benefits of the Internet
Nowadays, the Internet which is one of the most useful inventions in the world (bị lặp) has been spreading all over the world. Therefore, the Internet has become/ played an important part of the in our life with a lot of different advantages. This is my perspective about the benefits of the Internet which I want to show more clearly. Firstly, the Internet is the source of information. Instead of buying the newspaper every morning to know about the news, now the only thing you need only to do is to sit in front of the smart devices and surf the News on the (websites này chưa xác định nên không thể dùng "the", có thể dùng một số số từ, lượng từ) some/ several famous websites such as New York Time, CNN or watch News on Youtube. It is easier for you to get more information which/ that you need. For example, if you want to know about famous places or delicious specialities of some areas but there isn’t the you don't have any chances to visit and try, you can use smart devices to research and choose to have the best information. Secondly, maybe the best choice for self-studying is the Internet because it brings a lot of the different education ways. Now, more and more students have tended to attend online schools classes/ courses and study online lessons although they have several (không cần thiết) opportunities to study at real schools. It is less difficult for your learning English. For example/ For instance (tránh lặp từ), you can join the online club to speak English with other people even native speakers. Moreover, you can also learn by watching the English videos on Youtube or listening to English songs on Spotify. Last but not least, the Internet is one of the best ways to entertain after the tired/ exhausted working hours. Although the smart devices are small things, they bring to you a lot of games, videos, songs to relax. You can choose some films to watch together with family or play games together. If you miss someone, you can use the social networking sites like Facebook, Tweeter, Gmail, etc to have video calls. For these reasons, I’m sure that the roles of the Internet in the life are is greatly important. However, you should use the Internet in the correct way to avoid some downsides and affect other work.

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Chấm điểm: 7.5 (Theo quan điểm cá nhân )
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