Volunteer work

0916504895 said:

When I was 11 years old, I have joined the volunteer group which help many person in a difficult situation. I have done many activity to help each other have better life. If you do volunteer much, you will go many trip to help people in far area. But the trip I remember the most is trip I go to Central of Vietnam. Place I go concrete is Quang Binh provine. In that morning, I started my trip with my friend in Hai Phong City. Weather was beautiful and cloudy. I arrived to Quang Binh in 2 pm. I arrived to a small village in Quang Binh provine. I could see a village is so devastated. Many houses were destroyed by flood. In village road, I must say with you :”There was many branches of tree”. There were many small puddle of water I think it was an effect of flood. We walked at a village road, and went to a small house. In that house, there was one husband one wife and two children in here. We gave them rice and warm clothes. I will say you about story they said with me. Two weeks ago, in this village, it rained too much. And floor came early. They must come to roof to avoid the flood. In roof, they just have a few foods to ate. They must live in the roof. The flood was strong. If they swim to another place, they will be drowning. That was dangerous. But the flood finished and they went to their house. Everything was destroyer. If you see that scene, you will think there isn’t signals of life. We went to bus after did volunteer. That was a very good trip because I can make more friend. I will continue my volunteer project. Bye and see you in next paragraph.
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When I was 11 years old, I have joined the volunteer group which help many person in a difficult situation. I have done many activity to help each other have better life. If you do volunteer much, you will go many trip to help people in far area. But the trip I remember the most is trip I go to Central of Vietnam. Place I go concrete is Quang Binh provine. In that morning, I started my trip with my friend in Hai Phong City. Weather was beautiful and cloudy. I arrived to Quang Binh in 2 pm. I arrived to a small village in Quang Binh provine. I could see a village is so devastated. Many houses were destroyed by flood. In village road, I must say with you :”There was many branches of tree”. There were many small puddle of water I think it was an effect of flood. We walked at a village road, and went to a small house. In that house, there was one husband one wife and two children in here. We gave them rice and warm clothes. I will say you about story they said with me. Two weeks ago, in this village, it rained too much. And floor came early. They must come to roof to avoid the flood. In roof, they just have a few foods to ate. They must live in the roof. The flood was strong. If they swim to another place, they will be drowning. That was dangerous. But the flood finished and they went to their house. Everything was destroyer. If you see that scene, you will think there isn’t signals of life. We went to bus after did volunteer. That was a very good trip because I can make more friend. I will continue my volunteer project. Bye and see you in next paragraph.


Thực ra bài của chị nội dung khá hay nhưng nó còn lặp rất nhiều ạ
Ở những từ ngôi nhà ,ngôi làng
Và một số đoạn còn lủng củng chưa đủ ý

0916504895 said:

When I was 11 years old, I have joined the volunteer group which help many person in a difficult situation. I have done many activity to help each other have better life. If you do volunteer much, you will go many trip to help people in far area. But the trip I remember the most is trip I go to Central of Vietnam. Place I go concrete is Quang Binh provine. In that morning, I started my trip with my friend in Hai Phong City. Weather was beautiful and cloudy. I arrived to Quang Binh in 2 pm. I arrived to a small village in Quang Binh provine. I could see a village is so devastated. Many houses were destroyed by flood. In village road, I must say with you :”There was many branches of tree”. There were many small puddle of water I think it was an effect of flood. We walked at a village road, and went to a small house. In that house, there was one husband one wife and two children in here. We gave them rice and warm clothes. I will say you about story they said with me. Two weeks ago, in this village, it rained too much. And floor came early. They must come to roof to avoid the flood. In roof, they just have a few foods to ate. They must live in the roof. The flood was strong. If they swim to another place, they will be drowning. That was dangerous. But the flood finished and they went to their house. Everything was destroyer. If you see that scene, you will think there isn’t signals of life. We went to bus after did volunteer. That was a very good trip because I can make more friend. I will continue my volunteer project. Bye and see you in next paragraph.
Các bạn sửa hộ mình nha

Bấm để xem đầy đủ nội dung ...

When I was 11 years old, I had joined the volunteer group which helped many person in a difficult situation. I had done many activities to help each other having a better life. If you did volunteer much, you would go many trip to help people in far area. But the trip I remembered the most was I went to Central of Vietnam. The place I went actually was Quang Binh provine. In that morning, I started my trip with my friend in Hai Phong City. The weather was beautiful and cloudy. I arrived to Quang Binh at 2 pm. I arrived to a small village in Quang Binh provine. I could see a village that was so devastated. Many houses were destroyed by flood. In the village road, I could say:”There were many branches of tree”. There were many small puddle of water In my opinion, it was an effect of flood. We walked at a village road, and went to a small house. In that house, there was a little family that stayed in here. We gave them rice and warm clothes. I would tell you about their story. Two weeks ago, in this village, it was a heavy rain. The water started to fill up the first floor.So, they had to go to the rooftop to avoid the flood. They just had few foods to survive. They had to stay on the roof. The flood flowed so hard . If they swam to another place, they would be drowning. That was dangerous, but in few hours the flood was over and they went inside the house. Everything was destroyed. If you saw that scene, you would think there was no signals of life. We went to bus after did the volunteer. That was a very good trip because I could make more friends. I would continue my volunteer project. Bye and see you in next paragraph

Theo như 2 người trên thì mình nhận xét bạn viết ổn nhưng hơi lủng củng,không mạch lạc:
- Trong bài có 1 số trường hợp danh từ đi kèm với the/a
-Bạn nên phân biệt giữa quá khứ và hiện tại
- Số ít và số nhiều để chia nhé

When (nếu vế sau bạn dùng thì hiện tại hoàn thành thì ở đây nên dùng since) I was 11 years old, I have joined the volunteer group which help=>helps many person => people ( person là 1 người, people : nhiều người) in a difficult situation. I have done many activity => activities (sau many phải số nhiều) to help each other have better life. If you do volunteer much, you will go on many trip =>trips (sau many phải số nhiều) to help people in far area=>remote areas (những vùng sâu, vùng xa). But the trip I remember the most is (trip I go)bỏ cái trong ngoặc thay bằng THE TRIP to Central of Vietnam. The (chỗ này nên dùng mạo từ để xác định) Place I go concrete is Quang Binh province(chú ý chính tả). In that morning, I started my trip with my friend in Hai Phong City. The weather was beautiful and cloudy. I arrived to => in (arrive in + địa danh) Quang Binh in 2 pm. I arrived to => at ( đến 1 địa điểm nhỏ) (tuy nhiên để tránh lặp từ thì nên thay arrive at = reach) a small village in Quang Binh province. I could see a village is so devastated. Many houses were destroyed by flood. In village road, I must say with you :”There was => were ( sau có many) many branches of tree”. There were many small puddle => puddles of water I think it was an effect of flood. We walked at a village road, and went to a small house. In that house, there was one husband one wife and two children in (bỏ in) here. We gave them rice and warm clothes. I will say you about story they said with me (câu này hơi kì nên ghi : They told me what had happened here). Two weeks ago, in this village, it rained too much. And floor came early. They must =>had to (quá khứ) come to roof to avoid the flood. In the roof, they just have => had a few foods to ate=>eat . They must live=>stayed (ở 1 thời gian ngắn không có nghĩa là sống) in the roof. The flood was strong. If they swim =>swam to another place, they will =>would be drowning. That was dangerous. But the flood finished and they went to their house. Everything was destroyer=>destroyed . If you see that scene, you will think there isn’t =>aren't signals of life. We went to => get on bus after did =>doing volunteer. That was a very good trip because I can make more friends. I will continue my volunteer project. Bye and see you in next paragraph.